1. See it from another point-of-viewSelf-criticism can take a toll on mental health and can lead many people to believe they are worthless. Often, there is a huge gap between how you see yourself and how your loved ones see you. Try seeing yourself from the perspective of someone who loves or cares about you. Think of any compliments you have received lately and if it helps, write them down. Take the time to really think about the reasons you are loved by those around you, and try not to shoot them down. 2. friend testWhen you are experiencing a lot of self-criticism, again think of someone you love. If you wouldn't say the criticism to your loved one, don't say it to yourself. Try to stop yourself when you have negative self-talk that is overly critical, by asking "is this an acceptable thing to say to someone else?". If the answer is 'no', then can the thought be reframed in a less critical way? Show yourself the same empathy and understanding as you would show a good friend. 3. find the grey areaWatch out for words like "always" and "never". Black and white thinking occurs when thoughts stay in the extremes: "I'll always be this way" or "things will never change". This all-or-nothing thinking is usually a cognitive distortion and isn't an accurate reflection of what's really going on. Don't let this type of self-criticism stop you in your tracks. Reframe your all-or-nothing thoughts. Try thinking of setback as detours instead of roadblocks. Remind yourself that one mistake or misstep does not have to affect what happens in the future. You can acknowledge the setback but reassure yourself that things can still change for the better.
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It is helpful to hear encouraging words during times of intense emotional distress. Sometimes a supportive friend or partner is not around to provide us with the emotional support and comfort that we may desire. In these times, we must be capable of providing ourselves with this comfort. Using positive statements can help us develop a new attitude to ourselves and our situations. Choose a statement from those below, or make one that means more to you, and repeat it to yourself throughout the day, everyday, of every week, of every month. Use a statement that starts with "I" and use the present tense.
1. Gratitude improves psychological healthGratitude reduces a multitude of negative emotions, ranging from envy and resentment to frustration and regret. Research has shown that gratitude effectively increases happiness and reduces depression. 2. gratitude improves physical healthGrateful people experience fewer aches and pain and they report feeling healthier than those who don't cultivate gratitude. Grateful people are also more likely to take care of their health, and are reported to exercise more often than others. 3. gratitude is good for your relationshipsShowing appreciation can help foster new friendships. For instance, one study found that thanking a new acquaintance makes them more likely to seek an ongoing relationship. 4. gratitude helps with sleepWriting in a gratitude journal improves sleep. Spend just 15 minutes jotting down a few grateful sentiments before bed, and you may sleep better and longer. 5. gratitude fosters resilienceFor years, research has shown gratitude not only reduces stress, but it may also play a major role in overcoming trauma. Recognising all you have to be thankful for – even during the worst times of your life – fosters resilience. FAST FACTS:
Sleep hygiene: what is it?The term sleep hygiene is used to describe good sleep habits. Considerable research has gone into developing a set of guidelines and tips that are designed to enhance good sleeping, and there is an abundance of research to suggest that these strategies can provide long-term solutions to sleep difficulties. Whilst there are many medications that are used to treat insomnia, these tend to be only effective in the short-term. Ongoing use of sleeping tablets may lead to dependence and interference with developing good sleep habits independent of medication, thereby prolonging sleep difficulties. Good sleep hygiene is an important part of treating insomnia, either in conjunction with other strategies (e.g.m medication) or alone. Tips to getting a better night's sleep:Get regularOne of the best ways to train your body to sleep well is to go to bed and get up at more or less the same time every day, even on weekends and days off! This regular rhythm will make you feel better and will give your body something to work from. sleep when sleepyOnly try to sleep when you actually feel tired or sleepy, rather than spending too much time awake in bed. Get up & try againIf you haven't been able to get to sleep after about 20 minutes or so, get up and do something calming or boring until you feel sleepy, then return to bed and try again. Sit quietly on the couch with the lights off (bright light will tell your brain that it is time to wake up), or read something boring like the phonebook. Avoid doing anything that is too stimulating or interesting, such as checking Facebook, as this will wake you up even more. Avoid caffeine & nicotineIt is best to avoid consuming any caffeine (e.g., coffee, tea, cola-drinks, chocolate, and some medications) or nicotine (cigarettes) for at least 4 to 6 hours before going to bed. These substances act as stimulants and interfere with the ability to fall sleep. avoid alcohol & other sedativesIt is also best to avoid alcohol for at least 4 to 6 hours before going to bed. Contrary to popular belief that alcohol is relaxing and helps them to get to sleep, it actually interrupts the quality of sleep. Other sedatives, including sleep medications, can impair one's ability to have quality deep sleep. bed is for sleepingTry not to use your bed for anything else other than sleeping, so that your body comes to associate bed with sleep. If you use your bed as a place to watch TV, eat, read, work on your laptop, pay bills, and other things, your body will not learn this connection. Avoid daytime nappingIt is best to avoid taking naps during the day, to make sure that you are tired at bedtime. If you can't make it through the day without a nap, make sure it is less than an hour and before 3pm. establish sleep ritualsYou can develop your own rituals of things to remind your body that it is time to sleep - some people find it useful to do relaxing stretches or breathing exercises for 15-minutes before bed each night, or sit calmly with a cup of caffeine-free tea. bath timeHaving a hot bath 1-2 hours before bedtime can be useful, as it will raise your body temperature, causing you to feel sleepy as your body temperature drops again. Research shows that sleepiness is associated with a drop in body temperature. NO CLOCK-WATCHINGMany people who struggle with sleep tend to watch the clock too much. Frequently checking the time during the night can wake you up (especially if you turn on the light to read the time or use your phone) and reinforces negative thoughts such as "oh no, look how late it is, I'll never get to sleep". If necessary, hide or remove the bedroom clock. ExerciseRegular exercise is a great idea to help with good sleep, but try not to do strenuous exercise in the 4-hours before bedtime. Morning walks are a good way to start the day feeling refreshed! sunlightGet plenty of sunlight, as it helps to regulate your sleep-wake cycle. EAT RIGHTA healthy, well-balanced diet will help you to sleep well, but timing is important. Some people find that a very empty stomach at bedtime is distracting, so it can be useful to have a light snack, but a heavy meal soon before bed can also interrupt sleep. Some people recommend a warm glass of milk, which contains tryptophan, which acts as a natural sleep inducer. the right environmentIt is very important that your bed and bedroom are quiet and comfortable for sleeping. A cooler room with enough blankets to stay warm is best, and make sure you have curtains or an eye-mask to block out early morning light and earplugs if there is noise outside your room.
Keep daytime routine the sameEven if you have a bad night sleep and are tired it is important that you try to keep your daytime activities the same as you had planned. That is, don't avoid activities because you feel tired. This can reinforce and maintain the insomnia. FAST FACTS:
What is distress intolerance? Distress intolerance refers to a perceived inability to fully experience unpleasant, aversive, or uncomfortable emotions, and is accompanied by a desperate need to escape the uncomfortable emotions. Difficulties tolerating distress are often linked to a fear of experiencing negative emotion. Distress intolerance often revolves around high intensity emotional experiences, such as when the emotion is strong and powerful (e.g., intense despair after and argument with a loved one, or intense fear whilst giving a speech). However, it could also occur for lower intensity emotions (e.g., nervousness about an upcoming medical examination, sadness when remembering a past relationship break-up). It is not the intensity of the emotion itself, but rather how much you fear it, how unpleasant it feels to you, how unbearable it seems, and how much you want to get away from it, that determines if you are intolerant of distress. the paradox...The more we fear, struggle with, and try to avoid any form of distress, generally the worse that distress gets. Our fear and avoidance of the distress actually magnifies the distress. Effective strategies to tolerate distress:Distress tolerance require us to accept our current situation in a non-judgemental way. We must learn how to tolerate discomfort without demanding that people or things be "different". AcceptanceGetting angry in response to a situation that is upsetting prevents you from seeing what is really happening. Intense emotions have a way of blinding us from the reality of the situation, which only allows the emotions to escalate. Acceptance means being willing to experience a situation as it is, rather than how we want it to be. It is about acknowledging the present moment (no matter what it is) without judging the events as good or bad. Accepting distress is not about having to like emotional discomfort, or being resigned to feeling miserable, or wallowing in negative emotions. Rather, accepting distress is about seeing the negative emotions for what it is, and changing how you pay attention to emotion. Reacting in an accepting way towards your emotion, often changes the effect the emotion has on you. Avoid self-destructive behavioursEngaging in self-destructive behaviours often brings temporary relief from emotional pain. The most common ways of doing this would be by using alcohol or drugs to escape emotional discomfort. Binge eating is also a common way to alleviate distress. Excessive sleep can also be used in an unhelpful way to zone out from and escape unpleasant emotions. These types of behaviours can serve as distractions from whatever emotional pain we may be feeling. In the long-term, self-destructive behaviours like binge drinking, drug use, and emotional eating, make our emotions worse and prolong the challenges we are facing by distancing us from healthier ways of coping. relax & soothe yourselfLearning to relax and self-soothe is fundamental for healthy emotional functioning. When you are relaxed, your body is not in a constant state of emergency, preparing to fight or run away at any given moment. Most importantly, your brain is much more capable of coming up with healthy ways of coping with stress when physically relaxed. There are many ways to relax - read our tips on getting your self-care routine started (self-care-you-cant-pour-from-an-empty-cup.html) Safe-place visualisationFun fact! your brain and body often cannot tell the difference between what's really happening and what you are imagining. Use this to your advantage. Find a place where you can be alone and practice visualising a real or imaginary place that makes you feel safe and relaxed. Explore this safe place in vivid detail Rediscover your valuesYour values are the standards, morals, principles, and ideals that fill your life with meaning, worth, and importance. These are the reasons that we have to wake up in the morning - why we're motivated to keep going. Sometime we may feel adrift in life, unsure of the reason for doing much of anything - these are the times when we feel lost and empty. Discovering or rediscovering your values can help you tolerate emotional distress and begin to build a life worth living. live in the present momentNo matter what you do, it is always now. No matter how much you would like to go back in time to fix something that went wrong or blame someone who hurt you, it is impossible. The desire to live in the past or in the future creates suffering. All of the time spent dwelling in the past or focusing on the future results in something tragic: missing out on life. It is happening right now - all around you. Focus on the present moment by drawing your attention to anything sensory, a particular task you are doing, a sound, taste, smell, sight, or feeling of touch you may not have realised you were experiencing that you can now tune into. Self-affirming statement & coping thoughts A large part of learning how to tolerate distress involves having a strong foundation of yourself as a healthy capable person. You must believe in yourself first. Behind intense sadness, rage, and despair there is a caring, loving, and strong person who is capable of handling intense negative situations in a healthier way. Using positive statements can help us develop a new attitude to ourselves and our situations. Use a statement that starts with "I" and use the present tense, such as "I am strong" or "I am a good and worthwhile person". It is helpful to hear encouraging words during times of intense emotional distress. Sometimes a supportive friend or partner is not around to provide us with the emotional support and comfort that we may desire. In these times, we must be capable of providing ourselves with this comfort. Coping thoughts consist of reminders of times when you've been strong in the past and words that give you strength. "I am strong enough to handle what happening to me right now". FAST FACTS:
What is emotional intelligence?
How to increase your self-awareness 1. Practice observing how you feel Taking time to acknowledge how you feel about experiences is fundamental to improving your emotional awareness. Often we lead busy lives and it's all too easy for us to lose touch with our emotions. if you ignore your feelings, you're ignoring important information that has a big effect on your mindset and the way you behave. To reconnect, try setting a timer for points in the day. When the timer goes off, take a few deep breaths and notice how you're feeling emotionally. Pay attention to where that emotion is showing up as a physical feeling in your body and what the sensation feels like. For example:
2. Observe how your emotions and behaviour are connected While you're practising your emotional awareness, take the time to notice your behaviour too. When you feel strong emotions, how do you react? Observe how you react when you're experiencing certain emotions, and how that affects your day-to-day life. For example:
3. Keep a diary This is a great way to get an accurate gauge of yourself. Start by writing down what happened to you at the end of every day, how it made you feel and how you dealt with it. Documenting details like these will make you more aware of what you're doing and will highlight where problems might be coming from. Periodically, look back over your comments and take note of any friends. 4. Acknowledge your emotional triggers Self-aware individuals are able to recognise their emotions as they occur. It's important to be flexible with your emotions and adapt them to your situation. Don't deny your emotions stage time but don't be rigid with them either, take the time to process your emotions before communicating them. 5. Question your own opinions It's easy to fall into an 'opinion bubble'. This is a state of existence where your own opinions are constantly reinforced by people with similar views. Take the time to read the other side of the story and have your views challenged - even if you still feel they are right. This will help you understand other people and be more receptive to new ideas. 6. Take responsibility Your emotions and behaviour come from you. If you feel hurt in response to something someone says or does, and you lash out at them, you're responsible for that. They didn't 'make' you lash out. Your reaction is your responsibility. Emotions and behaviour don't come from anyone else and once you start accepting responsibility for how you feel and how you behave it will have a positive impact on all areas of your life. 7. A lifetime process Understand and remember that emotional intelligence is something you develop and requires continual improvement; it's very much a lifetime practice. FAST FACTS:
Pulling into a parking spot, you realise you have no recollection of the drive that got you there. On reaching the bottom of a page in a book, you are frustrated that you have failed to understand what you just read. In conversation, you all of a sudden become aware that you have no idea what the person speaking to you has said. Have you ever had the experience of watching a television show or movie and suddenly realising you missed a good portion of it because your attention drifted? Or had to ask someone to repeat something? Or had a partner accuse you of not listening? These episodes are symptoms of a distracted mind. Whether the mind journeys to the future, or the past, whether the thoughts that distracted you were useful, pleasant, or uncomfortable, the consequences are the same. You missed the present, the experience of the moment, as it was unfolding. Distinct from daydreaming, our mind gets offtrack almost half the time. Such mental meandering is associated with negative mood. Severe psychological stress may be cultivated by rumination, worry, or fear about many topics. This type of diffused and unstable focus impairs performance too. The opposite of a wandering mind is a mindful one. Mindfulness is a mental state of being engaged in the present moment without evaluating or emotionally reacting to it. Evidence reveals that mindfulness reduces psychological stress and improves both mental and physical health, alleviating depression, anxiety, loneliness, and chronic pain. How to practice Mindfulness:There are many ways to practice mindfulness, and you don’t have to be a Buddhist monk to do it. One of the simplest ways is to pay attention to your breath, because that is always here and now. You simply sit and breathe, watching your breath as it goes in and out. You can also practice mindful walking, where you walk slowly and feel each footstep. You can eat mindfully, keeping your attention on the smell, texture and taste of food. You can do dishes or laundry mindfully. Anything you do, you can do it with mindful awareness of the experience as it is happening. You can also learn to observe your own thoughts and feelings, and therefore be aware of your internal experiences rather than just being swept up in them. 10-minute mindfulness exercise:
What is self-care?Self-care is the act of carrying out any practice that cares for and nurtures your mind and body. It is when you identify your own needs and you meet them on a regular basis to keep happy, healthy and rested. By taking care of yourself regularly you keep your body, mind and emotions in balance. If you do not practice self-care regularly, you will be out of balance. Benefits of self-care:
types of self-care:
some ideas to get you started:
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